PART 59
His one hand slowly left her wrist and laced his fingers with hers, stilled pinned to the wall above her head while the other slid down to her cheeks that felt heavenly…..he moved closer almost putting all his body weight on her..her breaths ragged as sheer current coursed through her body and her fingers almost laced with his!!!!
His fingers traced down to her neck….outlining her shoulder and the bare waist sending chills down her spine as she hissed with that sensation….
He shuddered with the feel while she just closed her eyes tighter anticipating his next move……
Her fingers tightened their hold with his ..still laced with each other above her head! Her other hand held his shirt tighter over his chest as he ran his finger along the line of her sari tucked at her waist. She closed her eyes tighter fighting with her emotions….what did she want? As of now? Her brain protested while her heart just gave in! whom should she go with now?
He had the urge to kiss her shivering lips as his hands grazed her smooth skin over her tummy. He leaned even closer burying his head between her neck and her bare shoulder taking in her scent! He couldn’t help kiss her neck as she moved her head to the other side…..maybe it was a reflex!
She didn’t want that…what was happening with her? she so wanted to push him away but her energy seemed to be drained out somewhere! She just didn’t have it in her to push him away! Her thoughts came to a halt when she felt his lips against her neck. Again, she wanted him to stop but her body had a mind of its own! Even not wanting to, her head moved aside to give him more access.
His lips lingered there slowly drifting towards her shoulder as his hands had moved from her waist to her bare back, caressing it sensually!
She shivered with the amount of access he had on her body..NO..this is so wrong! Everything is wrong!!!
“aah…Maan…”
It was meant to be stern to stop him from whatever he was doing and making her feel….but it came out as a mere moan..he had tightened his hold around her waist!
He opened his eyes hearing her…oh man!! What was he doing? He had come for something and he is doing something which he knew was totally unacceptable to her..but what he feels for her was becoming unharnessed day by day! They are friends…that is what she thinks…but for him…it meant something more! But he didn’t want to name it as of now…..he needs to be sure of his own feelings 1st.
gosh…Maan Singh Khurana had never done so much for a girl….rather girls came running after him…but she was different…in every single way!
He lifted his head and loosened his hold on her waist and hand! She opened her eyes met with his. Dark it was and something else she couldn’t take it. Her breaths were fast and shallow with all that foreplay. He placed his hands on the wall on either side of her and his eyes didn’t flicker for a second from her face. She waited for him to move aside but he didn’t. unable to take that anxiety, she broke the prevailing silence!!!
“Maan….” It came out ragged, ” mujhe…ch…change karna ..hai…“
“I need some answers first!” his authorative voice held her in place and his breath fell on her lips as he spoke making her lips shiver with that feel. She had looked down with the hot breaths tingling her lips.
“why are you running away?“
And she just flickered her gaze from the floor to his face! Did he just catch her? she was running away…yes! But from whom? Him? His closeness? Or her fears? And why? What was the need to??? ‘Cus of her naivety??? Or her past?? Or the fear of losing herself?
“why are you behaving like this? Answer me geet…why are you running away from me?“
“i…am not running away from anything! Please let me go.” She averted her gaze.
“then why do you look away from me? I know you feel something…and if its really nothing then why are you not able to meet my gaze?“
“let me go Maan..” she tried to push him away but he pinned her back to the wall again.
“stop lying to yourself! Am not leaving until you answer! 3 months and how long will you run away or want me to hold myself back?“
“I don’t understand what what are you saying!”
she didn’t look at him… she didn’t want to!!! Past 3 months and she knew how it had been with her…how much she had wished secretly and unconsciously to be near him always…but he always kept his distance!!!! And today? Why was he like this?
She knew if she’d look into his eyes…she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from getting closer to him!! No!! she mustn’t!!! she has many problems of her own to deal with in the 1st place..she doesn’t want to be tied down!
He was enraged by her words. What was it that she didn’t understand? They had been together since the beginning of the session and now she says she doesn’t understand????
“you don’t understand?” he was loud. He clutched her shoulders tight digging his fingers into her flesh n her brows flinched in pain.
“NO I DON’T!!!” she pushed him away with all her force.
“I don’t understand what you say or what you do…..i just don’t understand you!!! Now please let me go Maan!!!“
He was shocked to hear something like that from her..to be pushed away like that!!! for the 1st time he went that close and that denial just burnt the last straw!!! Numerous times they had been close…but it had never been this intimate.
But saying something like that….it hurt him to no ends! He had given her as much time as possible but his patience was snapping! Though he wasn’t ready to name his feeling as of now, he knew that the attraction building up was too much to bear.
He went closer and held her tighter roaring, ” why the hell you don’t understand anything? Am I too difficult for you? Then why did you allow me to get closer anyway? Why geet…you could have slapped me or cried for help…then why the hell did you not stop me han?? You don’t fight back when I peck you in front of the people in the caf…or even in college you don’t fight back when I get into your classroom and pull you out anytime I want to!!! Answer me damn it!!!“
She didn’t have any answers! Why is this turning out like this? But she knew she had to stay away…lest her trust is broken again…for she belongs to a very different world….way different from his!
She doesn’t want to give in…tears rolled down her cheeks as she just mumbled the words she knew not what…
“please Maan…, it was more of a plead, ” mera dun ghut raha hai..lemme go..please!!!“
Those tears….he was shattered! His closeness suffocated her…. his being around suffocated her!!!! his hands dropped down on his sides and he backed away..expressionless!! she realized what she had blurted out, “I…I…din’t mean it that way Maan…No…“
He didn’t say anything. He turned around and gave her the saaree he had just brought for her which he had kept in a corner to give her later.
“here..buy this one” his voice was calm yet there was coldness, “it will suit you!” he kept it beside her and walked out!
She stood there gazing at the door and the saaree. It was a beautiful baby pink brasso with a broad grey lacy zari border…shimmering in that bright light.
Tears rolled out of her eyes…ye sab kya ho gaya?? She had no mood for anything else now. She changed into her kurti and walked out holding both the saarees. As she came out Dadima came towards her!
“geet…aapne kitni der laga di. Humne aapke liye kuch aur…“
She stopped in her tracks..her gaze fell on the pink saaree in her hands!
“arrey wah geet…where did you get this one from? Its so pretty! Why didn’t you tell earlier that you liked this one??? We wouldn’t have wasted so much time!“
She took the saaree and both walked to the billing counter. Geet was lost in her thoughts…what has she gone and done??
Dadima payed for the bill and looked out for Maan!
“geet..aapne Maan ko kahin dekha hai? He was here sometime ago!“
She didn’t reply. The only thing going round and round her head was the vision of him backing away!
Dadima’s experienced eyes couldn’t miss that paleness on her face. But before she could ask anything she saw Maan coming towards them with some shopping bags!!!
Maan: ghar chalein Dadima?
Dadima: yeah..pehle hum geet ko drop karenge and then we’ll go!
Maan: umm..i don’t think she’d be riding with us!!!!
She looked at him…surprised….but he thoroughly avoided her gaze. She knew she had hurt him…but….
Dadima: but Maan…how will she manage alone?
Maan: that’s ok Dadima! She has some work. We wouldn’t want to force ourselves on her right? That would suffocate her…hai na Dadima!!!
He didn’t even look at her. tears immediately clouded her eyes as he handed her the shopping bags. The coldness in his voice and the pain in his eyes were clearly visible. She stood there numb while the rest two made an exit!
X x x x X
Later that night,
She stood in her balcony of her flat in her night dress with her hair let lose! Shimmering moon gave the much needed light as she stood holding the rails…lost in her thoughts! Gentle breeze soothed her senses as she took in a deep breath.
Geet (st): aaj meine kya kar diya?? For the 1st time I have hurt him! I just didn’t want to feel what he was trying to make me feel….why is he doing that?
Tears rolled down…shining like a pearl in that moon light.
Kyun unke kareeb jaakar mein sab bhool jati hoon? Kyun unke paas hone ke ehsaas seapne ateet ko bhula deti hoon? Mein to janti hoon na ke mujhe kya karna hain..phir kyun na chahte hue bhi unki oor kheechi chali jaati hoon? Aaj pehli dafa unki aankhon mein utbe ki jagah dard dekha….wo bhi jiski wajah mein hoon!!!
Shayad unse door rehna hi samajhdaari hai…mein in sab bematlab ehsaason ke liye nahi bani!!!
Her own realization killed her inside! She couldn’t stop blaming herself but somehow managed to make herself understand that she didn’t feel anything! It was just an attraction which is going to fade away with time. She shouldn’t get too much involved with him..She has things more important than him!!! But will he ever talk to her after this?
——————————-
Maan laid on his bed..twisting and turning…unable to sleep..her words ringing in his mind! Did she reach home safely? He shouldn’t have left her alone like that…but then his closeness suffocated her right? And if staying away from her would make her happy…then be it! He wouldn’t even go near her!!!
Maan (st): today I realized how wrong I was. She doesn’t think me beyond her friend and I just forced myself on her!!! I destroyed that little relation we had with my own hands!!!! Her tears…..they said it all..i broke her trust! How can I stoop so low? She is not going to talk to me anymore…will she?
I so much wanted her to smile…yet I ended up bringing tears to her eyes!!! Am such a dumb witted moron. Am not going to force anything on her…even my friendship…I had forced her inti this too!
Tears formed in his eyes! He accused himself for being such a jerk…how right she was in calling him a Jerk!!! But he had decided! He is not going to force her into anything!
He walked to the balcony and looked at the moon spreading its chillness!!
“will you ever forgive me geet?? I’m sorry!“
At the same time…
She looked up at the white blob..the only source of light in that dark sky…
“will you forgive me Maan?? The path I am walking on is only going to hurt you! I’m sorry!“
Aishu's World 