She waited for him to finish off whatever he started…she didn’t have it in her to bear it all over again. She held her breath waiting but the next moment she felt his weight lift off her. she didn’t understand what happened initially…but when the feel was persistent, she dared to open her eyes and found herself all alone on the bed. There was no sign of him in the room as well.
She looked around, gathering herself. She had gone completely blank…she couldn’t even take it anymore. She looked around for him and realized he was in the washroom. She didn’t know why but she felt a certain kind of satisfaction like she was successful in stopping herself from losing to him…she was successful in not giving into her love. She cuddled up to one corner of the bed and sat there lost in her own thoughts. He had so many things to say…so much to share…she shook her head. Why was even thinking about all this? But again that look in his eyes flashed in front of her…full of love and a want only for her…was she feeling bad? She asked herself. Even though there was a certain satisfaction, there was an unknown sadness as well.
He couldn’t have seen those tears in her eyes…and her pushing him away actually made him feel so low. What was he even thinking? Trying to get close to her when she was in such a condition? That was definitely going to affect her in a wrong way. He stood under the water, cursing himself… angry on himself to have lost himself like that. Her tears made him feel even more sad…she refrained from his touch…she denied to feel his love. He felt the corners of his eyes burn…why did she go away so far from him? Her words echoed in his mind, “no matter the miles… no matter the sacrifice..”
He closed his eyes and let his tears fall…mingling with the water and losing its identity. He didn’t know why but he knew it was for him…like it was natural. Knowing geet so well he couldn’t think of anyone else for whom she could have written it. Aryan was a possibility but he knew there was nothing like that between them. Even if geet herself told her he would not believe. He sighed and somehow managed to gather himself…he has to try all over again. He wrapped the towel around himself and walked out wiping his hair.
She heard the washroom door creak open and looked around only to see him step out in a towel. He was wiping his hair with another towel that covered his face. She, for some unknown reasons, she just couldn’t look away this time. She was firm on not letting her guard down but somewhere deep within her she wanted to feel his love again. She kept looking at him lost, wondering whether to lose herself or look away. No matter how hard she tried she just couldn’t stop herself. She went crazy with the thought that why was this happening with her.
He felt something and looked at her, moving away the towel and was surprised to see her looking so lost. She was staring at him without even blinking..her eyes had welled up with tears but they didn’t fall and she didn’t even look away, unlike her usual self. He wondered why she was like that…but whatever it was he didn’t like her so upset. He went closer to her and her gaze moved along with him. She was still sitting on the bed. He knelt in front of her and held her hands. She didn’t seem to push him away or pull her hands from him. He squeezed them gently and kept it closer to his heart.
“i am sorry geet… i didn’t want to hurt you…am so sorry sweetheart..”
He leaned forward and pecked her lips lightly. It was so soft that she didn’t even realize it. She kept looking at him like that…lost…fighting with herself. He was wavering her heart…but she was scared of getting hurt again…getting pushed away again… getting another heartbreak which might kill her. he saw that look and tried to cheer her up, “bahut bhookh lagi hain yaar… kuch khana milega?”, he made a baby face.
[am feeling so hungry.. can i have something to eat?]
She didn’t say anything. He sighed and went to change. She sat there letting her tears roll down…why was she wavering? Why was she feeling so suffocated? She saw him walk out carrying his laptop, after changing. She quickly wiped her tears and ran to the kitchen. He sat on the couch and saw her running towards the kitchen.
“be careful geet…”, he warned her.
He caught up with his mails. His workload suddenly seemed so huge… he didn’t know why. He wanted to finish everything and give all his time to geet but he hated his workload. He saw her setting the table and smiled. He kept his laptop away and walked towards her, helping her in setting the plates. He knew his effort was small but he expected that someday it will reach her. she had cooked simple dal and roti but the aroma was mouth watering. They had their dinner together..but quietly. Maan was getting calls in between which didn’t even let him eat properly. He got the 4th call in the middle of his food. It was important so he left midway and sat with his laptop, speaking over the phone.
She looked at his plate and at him. She didn’t like him going away like that but probably that was the best way to keep herself away. She tried to eat without him…but she just couldn’t. She hated it even more. She left her food midway and cleaned the table. She washed her face and went straight to their bedroom and sat with her laptop, checking with her office mails.
By the time he finished with his work, it was around 11pm. He sighed and went to check on geet. She was already asleep. He kept his files away and tucked her properly under the duvet and stood by the window, looking out. The sound of the waves washing the shore reached his ears accompanied by the wind. They were close to the sea. It was calming..very very calming. There was no moon but the sound of the sea was enough to soothe his aching heart. He decided to finish all his work by the next day and get back to geet.
He woke up early the next day and saw her facing him and sleeping. Her hair fell over her face, caressing her lips. He smiled and moved them away. She looked so pretty…so calm and so much at peace. He let his fingers play with her skin for a while. She was soft and her breathing even softer. He kept on watching her for some time and then got off the bed, placing a kiss on her cheeks. He got ready to leave for and checked with the maid instructing her to be there with geet and help her with the day. He glanced at her once again before leaving and walked away.
She woke up late, feeling very much fresh. She needed a complete rest even now. She got tired very quickly. She took a bath and went to the hall, wondering where was maan. The house looked so empty like life never existed. He might be in the washroom or working out in the gym or in the study. She sat on the couch and called the kids asking how they were doing and stuffs. She watched tv for a while catching up with the headlines…but it was strange for her. he wasn’t visible. She checked their room again and then in the lawn but there was no sign of his. She was getting really very restless when she saw the maid coming out of the kitchen carrying her breakfast. She set the table while geet watched her set it for only one. She hesitated a bit but then she couldn’t stop herself.
“umm…maan ka plate kahan hain?”
[umm..where is maan’s plate?]
The maid smiled at her restlessness, “sir tho subah hi nikal gaye jab aap so rahi thi…”
[sir was out earl when you were sleeping]
He was gone? He never told her? why…she was getting so restless here and he just went away like that? The maid saw her expressions and guessed she must be missing her husband very much.
“sir didn’t want to wake you up…so he left asking me to come over..”
Geet looked at her who seemed to make her understand. But she couldn’t stop worrying.
“usne breakfast kiya?”
[did he have his breakfast?]
“no..he seemed to be in a hurry…i even told him i will make something but he got a call and went away..”
She tried hard to stop herself but could stop herself from worrying. Though she was quite she observed him from afar…like a part of her was still caught in his trap. She tried hard to detach herself from everything but she couldn’t and she hated the fact that she wasn’t able to ignore him. It was easier in km with the kids around but now she had nothing but him to observe and she was really getting affected.
Maan was totally held up with visiting the client, attending meetings and calls. He finally managed to get some time and called her. it surprised him that she actually picked up his call in one ring. His heart skipped a beat hearing her breath and held on to hear her…but there came nothing except the sound of her breath. He sighed and listened to her carefully but she spoke nothing.
Geet was reading a book when she saw his call. She was very worried for him and picked up the call in one ring..but she didn’t know what to say. Did she have any right to say anything? There was yet again another battle within… should she ask him or ignore him fearing the hurt? She had come to a conclusion that no matter what happens its her who will get hurt…so why to involve herself from the beginning itself. She kept mum hearing him speak.
“hello…geet you there?“, he spoke after a long silence. He heard nothing but her breath. He wondered what was he even asking..of course she was there on the line. He waited for her to answer but there was nothing. He shook his head and took the first step.
“did you have your breakfast? And yes medicines?”
she wondered what to speak but then just a small, “umm…”
“i got an urgent call so i had to leave early. Sorry to ruin your trip like this sweetheart but i will finish everything today itself. If you are bored you can go shopping or the beach. I have sent a car for you…use that..“
He wondered if she actually heard him or not. He was getting another call.
“okay i have to leave now. Take care…and yes please move around geet… and interact.. don’t keep yourself locked up in one room…”
She heard the disconnection tone and looked at the phone for While wondering why she was restless. She saw the maid busy cleaning stuffs and looked out of the window. It was bright and sunny and the weather was perfect. She saw a car waiting for her outside but she didn’t feel like going anywhere. She indulged herself in her book and kept to herself. The maid served her lunch and she sent her off.
It was again late evening when maan finally finished off all his work and headed home. He was so eager to see her…hug her and tell her how much he missed her. he sat in the car and took out her dairy. He wanted to know more and more about her. the first page itself had made him so curious… what would happen when he sees the next. With great anxiety he opened the second entry which actually made him smile.
“Heartbeats are the biggest hypocrite in this world…
They beat in your body…
But always dance to the tune of somebody else!! 😉 “
Ohh it was so true..who would understand this more than him? He felt all his tiredness vanishing just by reading those lines. He just wanted to get back home as fast as possible. He ran inside the moment they stopped in front of the house and looked around for her. he strode across the hall and saw her in the kitchen. She was trying to reach the top of the shelf to get something. He was just too glad to see her. his smile widened as he strode across and picked her up in his arms.
She was startled with the sudden movement and shrieked in fear and hid herself in his chest. He twirled her and made her sit on the counter. She was still clutching his coat, hiding herself with her eyes shut tightly. He smiled and cupped her face, making her look at him. She slowly opened her eyes to see him… he looked calm..he looked happy. She blinked a couple of times wondering what he was thinking.
He caressed her cheeks softly, moving away the strand of hair that teased her. he didn’t know why but after reading their joined names together in her diary, he just knew whatever she wrote was for him. There were no questions asked…no answered sought… he just knew it like it was natural on her part to wrote for him.
“did you go out?” he asked softly.
She didn’t react. She just kept on looking at her hands that held his coat. He held her hands above his shirt and asked again, “geet…batao mujhe… did you go out anywhere?”
[geet tell me…did you go out anywhere?]
She just softly shook her head for a no. He sighed and again cupped her face, making her look at him.
“geet…interact okay! Its okay if you don’t want to speak to anyone but please sweetheart thoda sa… at least mujhe batao tumhe kya chahiye…kya nahi.. agar tum kuch nahi bologi tho mujhe pata kaise chalega…zyada nahi tho at least thoda tho baat karo..tumhe acha lagega… don’t lock yourself please…”
[geet…interact okay! Its okay if you don’t want to speak to anyone but please sweetheart a little.. at least tell me what you want and what not. If you won’t say anything how will i know… if not much then at least speak a little…you will feel better…don’t lock yourself please…]
She just kept on gaping at him for a while. Why did she feel her heart waver? She didn’t want to feel anything at all but how can she stop herself? She closed her eyes in order to stop herself from getting carried away and looked down.
“tum baat karogi na…mere liye at least…”
[geet will you speak…at least for me]
He knew he was wrong but he pressed the right nerve. She was caught off guard and she just didn’t have it in her to deny that. she tried hard to stop herself when she heard him ask her, “tumne dinner bana liya?”
[did you cook dinner?]
She looked at him blankly. He saw her waver…he knew he can mould her at least to speak and he did that as well. He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on her lips, “geet…please speak up sweety…”
She was brought back to reality…her lips quivered with that touch. It burned..it felt heavy… it felt mesmerising. But all she needed was just a push and she’d go back to him forever. She shook her head for a no. She was just going to start preparing.
“okay…do you want to go out for dinner somewhere?”
She again shook her head denying. He smiled and rubbed his forehead for a while and looked at her.
“okay fine…you sit here…i will prepare dinner today…”
It was a reflex but her shock was visible. He was glad to see her react so spontaneously. She knew he was never into cooking things…so when he spoke about cooking she actually got shocked. Maan looked at her expressions in amusement and she immediately checked herself and looked away.
He rolled his eyes and made a bay face, “what…you don’t think i can cook?”
She immediately looked at him with wide eyes hearing him crib so cutely. She felt it hard to control her smile but then she didn’t want to let her guard down. He was anyways tired and probably skipped his lunch as well. She wanted him to freshen up but didn’t know how to tell him. She saw him turn around and looked for stuffs in the shelves. He really did look tired. She gathered all her courage and spoke softly, “umm…no you…change…i will..”
He turned around hearing her fumble with her words. It was clear that she was struggling to speak but it was more than enough. her words made no sense to him. He went closer and pressed his finger on her lips, “shhh… its okay. Sit here quietly. Today you will get the taste of my hands… be ready…”
He winked at her and she just kept gaping at him. He took off his coat and threw it on the chair, took his tie off and opened the first few buttons of his shirt. He rolled up his sleeves up to his elbows and started chopping vegetables. Unknown to him was her dilemma… her struggle to keep her heart in check and stop feeling anything. She sat there on the counter watching him boil the pasta and saut the vegetables. He looked at her for a while and saw her lost somewhere, looking at him. He cut a cucumber into this slices, arranged it on a plate with salt and kept it on her lap. She was zapped back to reality.
“kha lo… i know you are feeling hungry…”, he teased her. she looked at the plate blankly and then back at him. The smell of pasta was mouth watering. She watched him cook and felt her tummy rumble. She took a slice and ate it. He saw her eat from the corner of his eyes and smiled. He didn’t tell her anything but continued doing his work.
he cleaned the counter when he was done, washed his hands and saw her still sitting and munching the last slice. He went closer and lifted her again and walked to the couch. He made her sit comfortably and spoke, “be here.. i will freshen up and come. We can have dinner together.”
She saw him walked to their room slowly. He really did look tired and worn out. She finished her cucumber and set the table before he was back. She served the food and sat there, waiting for him. He was back in 10 minutes, wearing his vest and tracks. He saw her waiting for him on the dining table. He lifted their plates and kept them in front of the couch, “lets watch a movie na…”
She obeyed quietly and joined him. He put on some random movie and had their dinner silently. She kept their plates away when they were done and came back to him. She was watching a movie after a very long time and got lost in the story. She didn’t even realise the time. She felt something heavy pressing her shoulder. She looked at the time..it was around 11:30 and turned to see him sleeping. He had slipped and his head fell on her shoulder. His entire body weight fell on her. he was very very tired as she had noticed. He leaned further on to her and she just didn’t know what to do. His head rested over her shoulder in a very uncomfortable way.
“maan…”, she tried to wake him up so that he could sleep comfortably in the bedroom.
He didn’t hear. He was in a deep sleep. She supported his head, cupping his face and tried to wake him up again, “maan… wake up…maan…”
He didn’t even flinch a bit. He was too tired to even open his eyes. She tried to make him comfortable trying to get the cushions around his head but he was heavy for her. he slipped further and his head rested on her lap. She stopped breathing feeling his breath over her stomach. She slowly looked down to see him make himself comfortable on her lap. He stretched himself and slept off.
She dared to look at his face…which looked too tired yet very calm… like a satisfaction of being with her. she kept on looking at him for a long time, still hesitating with her feelings. He had taken away all her distractions… and she had nothing but him to concentrate on. She slowly let her breath out. He didn’t even move. She sighed in relief and softly caressed his hair. She couldn’t stop herself. She saw a drop of tear at the corner of his eyes…she wondered was it really a drop of tear. Why was he sad? What was going on in his mind? she felt suffocated once again…like there was someone trying to break free..at least once. When it became unbearable, she dared to take that risk.. her eyes moistened and she leaned over him. She softly kissed his one eyes, drinking away that tear and then the other. She didn’t know why she did that but she couldn’t have seen him like that.
Maan turned into her embrace later at night and buried his face in her stomach, making her stir in her sleep. She had slept off there itself. His hand went around her waist and pulled her closer. She responded, though in her sleep, by taking him in her embrace. She felt so calm… after a long time.
He felt something warm around himself…and something he had craved for. He slowly opened his eyes and realized he was sleeping on her lap with her hands holding him close to her heart. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the time on his cell. It was around 3 in the morning. He smiled seeing her sleeping so peacefully. He was suddenly reminded of another entry in her diary…dated around his convocation ceremony,
“Pyaar tho zindagi ka afsana hain
Iska apna hi ek tarana hain
Pata hain sabko milnge aansu
Phir bhi na jaane iss duniya mein kaun kiska deewana hain!”
He was blown away with the intensity and beauty of her lines… but something else also caught his attention—could she have loved him… he was broken from his thoughts with her movements. He softly kissed her stomach. She was trying to adjust her legs properly. They might have gone numb all this while. He immediately moved her hands away and sat up. He had his suspicions but he kept it for later. He lifted her up and walked towards their room. She put her arms around his neck and placed her head on his shoulder. He gently placed her on the bed and tucked her properly under the duvet. He watched her for a while and then slept off beside her.
She stretched herself missing that warmth. Her forehead wrinkled with a frown while she rolled over to his side, trying to find that satisfying warmth. He felt her hug him in her sleep. He turned back to see her clinging to him..her forehead wrinkled in frown. He knew he wont be able to stop himself from this invitation. He pulled her close to him settled her comfortably in his embrace. Her warm breath fell over his lips making him open her eyes. She looked so much lost in that feel. That warm breath falling over his lips made him shiver.
He moved forward and kissed her lips, tenderly not wanting to wake her up. He moved away after a second or so but to his utter surprise she didn’t let him move. She held him tighter and placed her head over his chest. He caressed her back softly and slept off, contended. He had a few last calls which he arranged in the house itself.
He woke up after an hour and looked at her. she was still asleep. He gently made her sleep on her side and went to freshen up. Last night had been the best ever to him..there was nothing to say…nothing to hide…just them. He could see a ray of hope now. He might bring her back.
It was around 10 when he sat for a video conference. The maid had served their breakfast and left. Geet was up and saw him on calls since morning. She didn’t want to disturb him. she found herself on the bed when she woke up and knew it him who had brought her there. She had her breakfast in the room itself as he was on some conference call in the hall. He had his food there only. He did ask about geet waking up. The maid informed about her taking her food in the room itself and left. He was glad that she was also talking to the maid.
His client finally called and he got engrossed in the video call. He kept on looking at their room’s door again and again to check on geet. He saw her come out after a while and walked out towards the lawn. He felt relieved and continued with the call. It was only after 10 minutes when he heard her scream, “maan… maan…”
He panicked hearing her scream so loudly. His heart almost stopped breathing. The client also looked startled with that sudden panic on the other side. It was an important call but he just disconnected it, threw away the Bluetooth device and ran out.
next: a new guest